So I sit and think to myself, that this can only be one thing – Alopecia.  I mean, very little other conditions tend to cause random bald patches to appear on your head, other than that.  I already suspect I know what I have, but for some reason I really need to hear it for myself, to hear those words out loud from someone ‘in the know’. 

What always struck me as ironic is how so many of those people 'in the know' instantly related the words alopecia and stress; they seemed to come hand in hand.  What seemed odd to me though is how people can possibly expect you not to feel stressed, when you find yourself in this situation; waking up every day to find that clumps of beautiful hair is rapidly disappearing from your head. Surely that's enough to warrant a little bit of stress...even to the most chilled out of us all.

I cannot begin to explain or try to put into words how this feels because until you have been in the situation there is no way you can possibly relate or appreciate, but I will try.  No matter where I was going, what the occasion, every day was a battle – a battle with myself and my own self esteem.  No amount of make up or fake tan, new outfit or new shoes could ever give me back my confidence, or femininity.  I had lost a part of me that I feared may never come back.  I no longer felt sexy or womanly – even as I sit and write this now I struggle to find the words to convey the emotion or feeling I had, and still have today. I speak of this in a past tense because this all started for me a year ago, but in reality I am still very much living with this situation in the here and now - so all these feelings are still very much firmly in my mind and the battle continues.

One thing I will say though is that I could not have done this without the support of my family and friends.  I know, that sounds completely cliché right – I hear it!  But it is undeniably true. I can feel nothing but total sympathy and compassion for anyone experiencing Alopecia, but especially for anyone who is finding themselves alone in the ordeal.

So I book myself an appointment at the doctors, and a whole mixture of thoughts and emotions run through my head.  'Will it be alopecia?', 'Can a doctor help me', 'When will it get better', 'What's causing it'....you get the idea!

The doctor confirms my worst thoughts, and diagnoses me with Alopecia.  I'm upset, but a part of me is relieved to hear a definitive diagnosis so that I can start to look at how I can make it better.  I'm also not too concerned, because it's only a small patch - probably the size of a 50p piece, and I have hope.